|
| It's been 2 weeks since my last infusion of chemo and this week I didn't have to go into the cancer treatment center at all! I'm feeling better each day, even walked around a mall today and when we left I still felt energetic. I did take a nap this afternoon but was pleased that I was able to keep going for about 3 hours instead of my usual 1 or 2 hours.
Interestingly, my husband felt the need to get a puppy so he could have a companion. He found a Bishon Frise/ Shih Tzu mix and brought her home this week. She is 8 weeks old and he named her Terabyte, "Tera" for short. He is trying to crate train her as she has had a couple accidents in her playpen area. He is also teaching her to ring a bell when she needs to go outside. She is adorable and the whole family is enjoying her.
We found out this week that my sister that is two years younger than me also has cancer. Thankfully, because she went in for a test because of my dad and me having cancer they were able to catch it much earlier on her so she is looking at an out-patient surgery and radiation, no chemo. She also has excellent insurance, which is a relief.
I have about 4 surgeries to do this summer, 3 of them related to cancer. Trying to get as much done this year since we've met our deductible. Started taking a pill that I will be on for 5 years. My understanding is my body produces too much estrogen which is converted to testosterone. The type of cancer I had feeds on estrogen so the pill keeps the estrogen from converting to testosterone, kind of suppresses it.
The cancer treatment center provides counseling as part of their services so I'm utilizing it! I'm finding it very helpful as she is teaching me tools to relax and lower stress levels. I learned about biofeedback which is basically different machines that give feedback to body processes. I was hooked up to a finger monitor and watched a computer screen track my heartbeat and oxygen levels. Then I was told to close my eyes and think about something stressful. After a couple minutes I was told to breathe deeply and think about something relaxing. After I was told to open my eyes I was shown the pattern of my oxygen levels and heartbeat. It was fascinating to see how jagged the pattern was when I was thinking of something stressful and how consistent the pattern was when I was relaxed and breathing deeply. So now I'm practicing deep breathing and relaxing for at least 5 minutes each day.
I'm so excited to have tea with a friend tomorrow, bike with another friend on Saturday and start up the book club on Monday, 5/28. Five people have said they are coming!
| | |
| So last night I finally felt up to going to women's Bible study! I've managed to go about once a month whenever it's break week. Now that chemo was over last week I was feeling good by this week and I don't have to start another round of chemo but our group is taking a break for the summer. But, that's ok because there will be little break out groups to do things with over the summer. We are having a big event this Saturday with all the age groups and paper flowers will be made with contact information on the "pedals" for people to take who want to join that group. So I'm going to market my book club on a flower! I'm so excited! I decided I need people in my life and it's easier for them to come to me so I will be hosting a book club on Mondays starting May 28th through the month of June. My plan is to go through Beverly Lewis' trilogy "The Shunning" then watch the movie and maybe even attend an Amish auction in July together!
Today was the first day I was feeling so rejuvenated after having spent some time with other women and getting a good night's sleep that I actually felt like going shopping! I went to Nordstrom's Rack for about an hour and bought myself this "Victory Outfit" for having completed chemo! I finally decided rather than constantly feeling fat every time I put on my clothes that are currently in my wardrobe that I would just break down and buy the next size up and I feel fabulous, cute and not so fat.
Then Vic took me out for lunch at a new restaurant in town. It is fabulous! It's a Japanese restaurant on Seltice that just opened last week and they cook the food on the grill in front of us. The chef was fantastically entertaining singing songs and making volcanoes out of onions. What a hoot and great food too!
What a great day! I feel hopeful!
| | |
| Oh, I hope I'm done with steroids. My body is so puffy. Starting to look forward to my complimentary "tummy tuck" when I have reconstruction later this year. Even my "fat pants" don't fit very well right now.
I tried to do a "normal" family activity on Friday by walking for 3 hours around Silverwood with my husband and boys and I sure paid for it over the weekend. Ended up on hydrocodone for pain on Saturday. Finally out of pain on Sunday but didn't even feel up to going to church or out to eat for Mother's Day.
Speaking of Mother's Day:
The boys each gave me pretty t-shirts and Carter bought some headbands with his own money. They are pink crocheted with heart buttons. He thought of me because now that the weather is getting warmer I keep ripping the little hats off my head that I've been wearing around the house and saying, "It's too hot!" When I look in the mirror with my new headband it makes me think of infant girls whose moms put headbands on their little bald heads. Well, I guess that's what it's like for me. I'm trying to grow my hair like an infant! It's coming along nicely, still spiking in the middle like a mohawk. Oh, Vic was wonderful on Mother's Day, he did two loads of dishes, two loads of laundry, and cleaned up the front room so I didn't have hardly any chores Monday morning. He also mowed the yard and drove to a fast food restaurant to bring home dinner and didn't mind that I was feeling grumpy that my body was so out of sorts. What a sweetie!
I just want to start feeling normal again. I did feel up to going grocery shopping today but found I couldn't lift some of the bags so had help out to the car by the bagger. I worked as a checker for 5 months last year and the bagger didn't recognize me. He kept calling me maam and asking if I needed help. Ouch.
Going to the hospital Tuesday morning for an EKG then having my weekly blood draw to check my white blood cell count, etc. Not sure what my "new normal" will be like yet. I've gotten so used to going in every Tuesday and how I'm going to feel that I'm not sure what my new routine will be like. I know I still have to get herceptin infusions every 3 weeks and I have several surgeries, procedures and tests to go through. Wondering when I can start taking my anti-oxidant supplements. My taste buds are still way off and everything tastes weird.
Despite my slow and creaky body I still managed to plant my garden with lettuce, broccoli, beets, eggplant, peppers, peas and tomatoes. I did some seeds and some plant starts. Today I sat in the grass for about 5 minutes at eye level with my tulips just staring at their pretty colors. Vic got a kick out of me and brought me a chair but he didn't get the point that I wanted to be at the level of the tulips and just appreciate them for a few moments. He caringly said, "Don't stay in the sun too long." He knows me so well. I burn in 15 minutes. So I did go inside shortly after that for a drink.
I guess just because I had my last infusion of chemo last Tuesday doesn't mean it's like a switch that I can turn off and now I'm all better. I've been told it takes about 6 weeks after chemo before I will start to feel "normal".
I'm so tired of being stuck at home. I want to do something productive but I don't even know what that looks like. If I can't walk for 3 hours or even handle carrying a bag of groceries or breathe without huffing then I certainly can't work a regular job. What am I thinking? I'm so grateful Victor is able to support our family and I can be home. I feel like I need people in my life. As much as I love our boys they don't need me like they used to and I rarely get to interact with them. Carter's in school all day and Spencer is on his computer chatting or doing schoolwork. I really need to do some organizing around the house and paying medical bills, etc. but it's not very satisfying. I'm inviting anyone who is interested to a book club starting Monday 5/28 as a test to see if I can handle just one hour a week of doing something with people outside of my normal routine. If I feel up to it in the next week I hope to walk around my neighborhood inviting neighbors who are home during the day to come to the book club. I hope a few people take me up on my offer. I wonder if other cancer survivors feel weird after chemo wondering how to "restart" into life again?
| | |
| Had a rough night last night. Yesterday my white blood count was low but the doctor decided to go ahead with chemo since I get a shot to boost my white blood cells today. However, it made for a rough night. Up every two hours with nausea, weakness and intense thirst. Would like to push off the herceptin infusion by another day so I can really tell how I feel with it by itself. We are trying to get me to be able to take a 3 week dose of herceptin by itself for 6 more months. It's not considered chemo but stops the fast cells from dividing. That is recommended for a full year.
I'm at the two week mark of trying another anti-depressant that is supposed to be helpful for hot flashes. I don't like this drug as well. I have a slight sense of foreboding and almost itching all over my body but not exactly. However, it is helping the hot flashes be less intense but they have not totally disappeared. I still wake up several times a night and have to turn on the fan to cool off. I just don't sweat as much or get the prickly feeling like I was. Think I'll ask the doctor what other "tools" he has for hot flashes.
This week I'll be getting my eyes checked for glasses since they were starting to change last year and are even more blurry close up and far away since chemo. Makes it hard to read or drive. I can still see good at computer distance.
| | |
| The decision has been made. After looking at the pros and cons of radiation I decided against it. The radiation oncologist understood and explained that right now I have about a 7% risk of re-occurrence and radiation would take that down to about 3% but can't take it to 0. Because I have such sensitive skin and have had reactions during chemo I am at high risk of ending up with burning, peeling and blisters and probably have to take a break from radiation.
Normally a T3 size tumor (5cm or larger) requires radiation because there is usually lymph node involvement but because my tumor was right on the edge between T2 and T3 and there was no lymph node involvement there is conflicting opinions on whether radiation is needed. Most T2 with no lymph node involvement do not need radiation so I am going with that.
I believe I am healed with what has been done up to this point and am going to trust God for the future.
I feel so relieved!
| | |
|
|
